You ever wonder what happened to the girl/guy you thought was the one but for whatever reason you decided to move on? Sure you have. Everybody has that someone from the past when we were just so unsure of life that we just decided to take a pass on them to pursue either somebody else we assumed were better or even something else that was a great fit for our life at the time. I can remember meeting someone at a friends house two weeks before I made a decision to accept a job on the opposite coast. She seemed like the perfect person and everything I could want in my mate. The only problem was that she was two weeks late. I had already shipped my car to my new home and given my old job my resignation two weeks prior. Here I was faced with the decision, do I stay and pursue the love I always wanted or do I hit the bricks in pursuit of the career I always wanted. Well, at the end of the day I chose the path that included my career. There are always decisions like that one that make you scratch your head and wonder what would have happened had I made the alternate decision. One of my all time favorite movies that goes right along with that story is “The Family Man”The Family Man, see: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0218967/, staring Nicholas cave.
Cages’ character is a prime example of a right decision gone wrong. Picking the wrong mate can be a extremely costly decision. Cost with this regard is not just money, but [1] Time, [2] Energy, and [3] Potential. I think of the three points, the cost of “potential” is the most devastating. The cost of potential is merely who you missed or who/what you could have had in absent of this decision. This logic simply attaches a value of your lost alternative to that poor decision.
TIME
When we are young and in our prime, time tends to be at a stand still. However, as father time begins to move the hands time, eventually time becomes a factor. It seems like I have a conversation in every relationship about “what I look for in my ideal mate”. You know, the list question! Do you know how much my list changes every five years? If there is anyone out there with the same list of relationship requirements at the age of 40+ that they drafted in their mind when they were 18, more power to you (and tell me how that’s working for you). I can remember my first girlfriend. Funny thing is we were girlfriend and boyfriend back in the innocent days when teens just kissed (at least in my circle), the rest just stretched the truth about anything more. She was actually my best friend and we ended up staying in touch even after both of us moved away. We re-connected some years back and even most recently to learn that after knowing each other for most of our lives, we allowed time to interject a lot of fear of serious relationships based on past relationships with other people. We waisted so much time with the wrong people that the right people tend to feel the blunt of the past. If I could rewrite my past I would have a timeline for every relationship I entered (I don’t know, maybe 30 days)
ENERGY
How many times do you feel like you are either the only one giving or the other person is just on the receiving end. I don’t know about you, but it would be nice to be on the receiving side of the relationship. I don’t mean just simply receive, but a give and take relationship where you aren’t the one carrying the relationship. Some people believe a guy should make all of the decisions, buy all of the lunches/dinners, and just be the one take the lead on it all. Actually, I don’t have a problem with that. In fact, I am kind of use to that role. However, it would be good to meet a dominant female who could jump in the saddle for a change. I was joking with a buddy of mine the other day when I realized I have never dated someone that has offered to pay for a meal. I asked one of my female friends and she told me she never pays for a meal. Well, I guess that’s the norm. But, more importantly lets get back to the waist of energy discussion. I met someone once that was going through a tough marriage. It really bothered me because she genuinely seemed like a good person. We worked together and I got a chance to meet her husband one day and I immediately came back to work telling my co-worker just how totally different I thought this person was from their husband. I also told my co-worker that I had this crush on her. However, I never expressed it to her and never pursued her simply because she was married. Several years later after her divorce we connected and dated for about 3-years. I ended the relationship after I learned of her dependency on her parents and how much her parents influenced her decisions (even about us). After we broke-up she told me that someone else proposed to her within a month of our break-up (Really), and they got married weeks or a few months later. Talk about waisted energy. She even asked if I would consider attending their wedding. I thanked her for her hospitality and passed on the wedding of course.
POTENTIAL
It’s pretty easy to see that while you are waisting time and energy on the wrong mate, you are simply letting the right one pass you by. Most admirable people will stand aside if you are in a relationship. Although, there is a large population that will not. I recently learned that people in relationships are more likely approached than those who are not. The assumption many times is that if you are in a relationship, you are in demand (at least by one person, if not many more). I use to have this huge crush on a classmate of mine from college. We were always close, but never dated. We always joked that if we were ever single at the same time we would make it happen. In reality, I really think we were good for each other because we knew each others worst secrets. What better than a mate that won’t judge you for your past and loves you for who you are beneath it all. Well, I met someone that I thought was the best thing that could happen to me. Three weeks in to our relationship my old classmate from college calls me and tells me she is tired of pretending and really wants to pursue us (which is something I waited years to hear). However, I was already involved and I actually wanted to give it a fair chance. Two months into this new relationship I learn that she had more skeletons than a grave yard. My old friend from college met someone over a ski trip and got married in Vegas. I wanted to just whip myself for passing up on a good thing just to pursue the potential of a better thing.
There you have it…..This my TEP (Time, Energy, & Potential) outlook of relationships and how they factor on our lives and potential for success.
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